Red Skelton’s Recipe For the Perfect Marriage

 Red Skelton’s Recipe For the Perfect Marriage

I don’t know how many of you are old enough to remember Red Skelton.  He was one of the original TV slapstick comedy men.  He even had his own show.  He had his serious side too.  His Pledge of Allegiance is a must see for every American, no mater their religion or color.  It’s what America is all about.  But Skelton’s recipe for a perfect marriage is a tongue in cheek look at what makes marriages work.

RED SKELTON’S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. She said… ‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’ So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said ‘There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!’ So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, ‘In the lake.’

8. She got a mud-pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, ‘Am I too late for the garbage?’ The driver said, ‘No, jump in!’

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, ‘What’s on the TV?’ I said, ‘Dust!’

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Steven Ahle

I have been the editor and writer for Red Statements and The PC Graveyard. Won the 2014 FJN Journalist of the Year Award. Author of six fiction books available on Amazon.com "I am a troll bridge. You can cross me but you will pay the price"

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